I can’t stop thinking about you!

Didn’t you always say this when you were so young and in love?

Days are spent daydreaming about the object of your affection. Nights are spent wishing you can pull the hours so you can be with each other again.

When you get married, the first years have you feeling so “in love.”

You are loving, kind, patient and thoughtful to your spouse because you are “in love.”

As the years pass, you become more secure with each other.

Security can be a good thing because it assures you of that loving feeling you know you will have every day.

But the bad thing is it can cause you to become complacent.

You tend to become “thoughtless.”

You forget to be loving.

You shuffle through the days unconsciously, letting opportunities to express love pass you by.

Soon enough, thoughtless becomes careless.

You become insensitive and selfish.

You are thoughtful — of yourself.

By this time, the thrill has been replaced by familiarity and not long after, you find yourself falling “out of love.”

That’s the thing about being “in love,” it’s a fantasy feeling that fades away. And when it does, there has to be something more real and more lasting to take its place.

That is REAL LOVE.

And it’s something I’ve been trying to learn and practice everyday.

When you really love, you never stop thinking about your spouse.

You constantly think about the one you love.

You always reflect about what he needs.

You always consider how he feels.

In everything you say and do, you think about how you can show that you love him more.

During difficult times, being thoughtful means keeping silent and still, when you know that anger can cause you to say or do something that can hurt the one you love.

You strive to regain that loving feeling before your speak or act again because:

The thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.

I’ve been learning how to demonstrate love more than to say it.

Because by doing it, I understand completely what it means.

***

Love is always a choice.

And I choose to love you…

Every moment of every day for the rest of my life.

—

Photo by: flouak

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Tags: Love, love dare

Selfishness is the root of all heartache.

I should know.

I used to be selfish.

Sometimes, I still am.

How about you?

Me, myself and I

I used to think that after I’ve given everything I got then it was just right that I take my turn to get.

I thought…

I want to do things that make ME happy.

I want to do things for MYSELF.

I want to do whatever I want.

It was all ME, MYSELF and I.

In the end, I realized selfishness can never be justified because true love is never selfish.

YES

True love always gives.

True love never computes how much has been given or received in return.

When you truly love, generosity comes naturally and freely.

One of the most important shifts I’ve made in my understanding of love and relationships was sparked by these quotes from Love Dare:

True love looks for ways to say YES.

You say NO to what you WANT, so you can say YES to what (your spouse) NEEDS.

Recently, my selfishness was tested once again.

I wanted to stand my ground thinking that I didn’t owe anything to anybody.

My ego was screaming “NO!!!”

But by God’s grace, I learned to humble myself.

And like a gentle reminder from Him, I found myself repeating that quote over and over:

True love looks for ways to say yes.

I honored a very tough request that I knew was important to the one I loved.

I got rejected in return but I let the hurt go.

I know God touches hearts way more powerfully than anyone ever could.

He likes working in miracles like that.

Just as He works miracles to heal my selfish heart and to make it more loving.

***

This is supposed to be a 40-day journey to love but the lessons are more challenging than I thought.

It takes me more than a day to fully “understand” the lessons I am learning and a couple more days to really practice it.

But I find that it has added a much deeper meaning to my life.

If you ever feel like you’re lost and you need a sense of direction, take on this worthy challenge:

Learn to live love.

Photo: peterastn

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Tags: journey to love, Love, love dare

Marriage thrives on kindness.

Kindness is one of those qualities that is easy to define and easy to take for granted.

Are you kind?

Oftentimes, when you’ve been in a relationship for so long, there is a tendency to overlook kindness.

You are not as careful about what you say or do because you’ve grown accustomed to your partner.

You become complacent and think, “It’s okay, he loves me anyway.”

This is a very dangerous trap to fall into because when you lack kindness, you shift into selfishness which breeds all manner of hurtful things and experiences.

How then do you demonstrate kindness?

You are careful with your words. No matter what you need to say, you make sure by all means that you are gentle with your loved one’s feelings.

You are helpful. You always try to find out what your partner needs and you fill it.

You are willing to compromise. You keep in mind that a marriage is like a team, you always strive to be in a situation that is win – win.

You are loving first. You simply do things for your partner out of love without any conditions or expectations that your kindness will be returned.

Perhaps the most challenging part is being rejected despite your act of kindness.

But when you truly love, you learn how to give love freely and selflessly.

Because love in its truest sense is not based on feelings.  Rather love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.

When you commit yourself to love another, you choose to do all that it takes every moment of every day to keep that love alive.

Photo credit: amber.spurlock

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Tags: journey to love, Love, love dare

What does it truly mean to be patient?

I have always thought that I am a patient person.

I am able to keep my temper under control and I deal with negativity in the most positive way I can.

But crisis teaches you a lot of things about life and most importantly, about yourself.

I learned that love and patience takes infinitely more than that.

Patience is compassion.

Instead of demanding or begging for things to be okay, it helps you to feel another person’s pain and understand what they are going through.

It helps you to be forgiving of other people who judge you.

Patience moves you to understand the frailty that comes with being human.

It understands that everyone fails.
When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it.
It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under pressure.

In the end, love and patience  is a demonstration of faith that healing will take its course and everything will be alright in His perfect time.

Photo credit: Max

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Tags: journey to love, Love, love dare

Do you know what true love really means?

I always thought I did but I realized that knowing how to love is much easier than actually doing it.

True love takes more than saying “I love you,” doing kind things or feeling thrilled about one another.

The personal challenges I have been going through are teaching me that love is a daily decision –  a conscious choice every moment of your life to be loving, to be patient and to be kind among other things.

It is not the easiest thing to do especially when pain and pride get in the way.

But God has taught me so many times that a heart that loves must be filled with humility.

I realized that God allowed me to have this  challenging life situation to teach me the most important thing I could ever learn: to love unconditionally.

Today I am beginning my 40-day love journey.

I am learning NOT to follow my heart.

I am learning how to lead it.

Photo: kevinw84

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Tags: journey to love, Love, love dare

I took him for granted.

I hurt him a lot of times.

Traded him for other people and things I thought made me happy.

He tried to make me feel he loves me so much, but I was too selfish to even see.

Then my mistakes caught up on me.

I ended up hurting him and hurting myself.

Now wounded and tired, I am humbled as I find my way back home.

I finally realized true love lies in him.

Now I am going back to HIM.

***

It took a painful lesson to teach me that I need God in my life.

For the past years, I lived as if I didn’t need God.

I labeled myself a non-practicing Catholic.

I never went to Mass.

I could count the few times I really prayed.

I just thought I could go on with my life just fine.

I could handle any problems that come my way.

I don’t need a God to help me.

And then it hit me.

I blindly failed a trial that tested my faith.

Instead of seeking out God, I trusted my own understanding.

I allowed myself to suffer the searing pain in my heart.

I beat myself up black and blue.

But God continued to love me.

He sent me an angel to gently push me in the right direction.

***

Yesterday, I returned to the Victory Fellowship.

It had been an emotionally draining week.

I was exhausted and I needed some place to find strength again.

In the midst of people praising and worshiping God, I started to cry.

I felt as though God was speaking to me right there:

“I am your healer,
I am your refuge,
I am your strength.”

The reading from the Bible couldn’t have been more apt.

Because just like the loving father who welcomed the prodigal son when he came home, God welcomed me back in his home again.

It dawned on me that “his grace is greater than my sin.”

He loved the sinner and the saint in me.

And for once, I felt truly free.

I was freed from pain, anger and confusion.

And in their place, I found peace, love and compassion.

***

It took me awhile to get here, but God, here I am.

Thank you for healing my broken heart and making it whole again.

Lord, I have done everything I could do,

Now I leave it in your hands and put my faith in you.

Photo: steve

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I dashed inside the the comfort room desperate for the hand dryer.

My hands were frozen stiff because of the extreme cold in our office. The hand dryer was my only hope for relief.

Just then, another girl entered through the door and slipped inside the first cubicle.

A few minutes later, I could hear her stifled sobs.

I tried to ignore her and just concentrate on defrosting my hands.

But a couple more minutes passed and she still hasn’t stopped sobbing.

I was tempted to knock on her door, hand her a tissue and comfort her.

But I held back and headed for the door.

Just yesterday, I was in that cubicle too, having a good cry.

I guess all of us need time to cry alone.

Cry

I used to hold back my emotions because I saw crying as a sign of weakness.

But I learned that sometimes it’s okay to cry because it helps hasten the healing of heartache.

I think it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself, wallow in your self-pity, and wail “Poor me! Poor me!”

At least for a day.

Then get over it.

How do you heal a heartache?

No one is going to come down from heaven and tell you, “it’s okay, it’s time for you to heal now.”

No one can save you from pain.

It is up to you to choose to save yourself.

1. Take responsibility for your life. No matter what other people do or say to you, it is still your choice on how you would react. If you are broken, its because you chose to break yourself.

2. Make a conscious effort to heal. Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Stay away from people who feed your ego and self-pity.

3. Accept the past for what it is. If you continue to dwell in the past, think of the past, and talk about the past, what do you gain?

Unnecessary self-inflicted pain.

There’s no use trying to change the past or looking forward to a happier future.

The only thing you have is now.

The only thing you can change is now.

If you want to be happy, choose to be happy now.

Choose

Remember that it is always your choice.

There is nothing scientific or superhuman about it.

You simply make a choice.

If you continue to suffer, it’s not because you CAN’T heal.

It’s because you DON’T WANT to heal.

Because if you really wanted to, you can do it right now.

That’s a weird thing about adults.

Somehow, we get a certain kick out of being depressed and hurt.

As Eckhart Tolle would say, it’s the “pain body,” it’s the ego who needs pain to feel alive.

Life seems much more interesting when you’re suffering some kind of heartache.

That’s why there are  a host of angsty songs that make you cry and feel even more miserable.

But when you think about it, you can simply make a choice.

Just take a cue from the kids. They are much more emotionally mature than we think we are.

They forget easily, they forgive wholeheartedly, they laugh heartily, and they always, always choose to love freely.

***

Time for you to listen to your own advice.

Photo credit: Wolfsoul

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Text message from my friend A:

“May mga kanta ako para sa inyo… “Light On” tsaka “Come Back to Me” ni David Cook. Am listening to it. Naisip kita. Ipaubaya mo na sa ‘kin ‘yung “I’m Yours”. Lol!”

She was referring to my cellphone’s ringback tone, a sign of my fascination with Jason Mraz.

I’ve always made it a point to check a song’s lyrics before actually listening to them.

So off I went to Google David Cook’s songs.

And A was right.

(”She said / He said?”)

These two songs did hit home.

—

“Light On”

Never really said too much
Afraid it wouldn’t be enough
Just try to keep my spirits up
When there’s no point in grieving
Doesn’t matter anyway
Words could never make me stay
Words will never take my place
When you know I’m leaving

Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Something I rely on to get home
One I can feel at night
A naked light, a fire to keep me warm
Try to leave a light on when I’m gone
Even in the daylight, shine on
And when it’s late at night you can look inside
You won’t feel so alone

You know we’ve been down that road
What seems a thousand times before
My back to a closing door and my eyes to the seasons
That roll out underneath my heels
And you don’t know how bad it feels
To leave the only one that I have ever believed in

Sometimes it feels like we’ve run out of luck
When the signal keeps on breaking up
When the wires cross in my brain
You’ll start my heart again
When I come along

—

“Come Back to Me”

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you’re becoming someone else
Don’t recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you’re leaving as you look away
I know there’s really nothing left to say
Just know I’m here whenever you need me I’ll wait for you

So I’ll let you go, I’ll set you free
And when you’ve seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won’t go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I’ll keep your things right where you left them
I’ll be here for you

Oh and I’ll let you go, I’ll set your free
And when you’ve seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I’ll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can’t get close if you’re not there
I can’t get inside if there’s no soul there
I can’t face you, I can’t save you
It’s something you’ll have to do

—

The thing about life, you can’t just hit “Pause,” “Fast – forward” or “Rewind”.

You can either press “STOP” and let the song of your life come to an end or…

just let it “PLAY” and hope that this time, the lyrics will be sung just right.

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Yesterday, as I was preparing to submit my bags for inspection at the MRT station, I was greeted by a cheery voice.

“Good morning, Ma’am!”

I looked up to see the security guard with a full smile.

“Good morning.”

I mumbled with a half-smile. I guess my emotions froze for a moment because I was used to being ignored by guards and ignoring them as well.

I would often just present my bags without even looking at them and just breeze through after a quick check.

But this man seemed genuinely happy to greet me and very enthusiastic about his job.

After he checked my bags, he looked at me again and gestured with his hand toward the station entrance.

“Thank you po!” he exclaimed.

This time, I was able to say a more cheerful “Thank you” with a full smile.

In fact, I continued to smile even as I waited for the train to arrive.

That might have seemed an insignificant gesture to him, but for me it meant more than that.

It was a brief connection but I felt the real happiness that emanated from this person. And somehow, he was able to rub some of that on me.

See there is so much kindness around us if we only care to recognize it.

You never know how even just a smile could make a whole world of difference to somebody.

Later that evening, as I went to the train station, I looked for the same security guard and was preparing to greet him “Good evening!” but there was another person in his place. He looked stern and gruff.

But I didn’t mind.

After he checked my bags, I looked at him and said “Thank you!” with a smile.

He simply looked at me expressionless.

But I was feeling too good to care.

The next time around, I’m just going to keep saying “Thank you!” with a smile on my face.

Who knows, that other person might just smile back.

Have you witnessed a random act of kindness today?

Photo by: Paul Linton

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Value your present by creating your happiness every moment.

Be happy every chance you get.

How easy this will be depends entirely on you.

You can choose to be happy.

Right here. Right now.

There are so many things you can be thankful for.

That alone is enough reason to be happy.

Expand your view of life.

Delete the bad.

Absorb all that is good.

Give up everything that is not working in your life.

Bad habits. Self-serving attitudes.  Ingratitude.

Drama. Resentment. Anger.

Bad memories. Negative thoughts. Vile words.

Let go of the toxic people who poison your life.

Take in everything that will nourish your spirit.

Form good habits. Reach out to others. Be grateful.

Laugh. Let go. Be happy.

Create good memories. Think good thoughts. Speak encouragingly.

BE, HAVE AND DO LOVE.

Open your heart to the amazing people who bless your soul.

You already know all of this.

All you’ve got to do is remember.

Photo by: JPhilipson

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I’m Jayme and this is my online journal. Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to know more about me. I hope you enjoy reading my blog and you pick up some useful and inspiring tidbits along the way.
Live, love, inspire and make a difference!



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My morning ritual

Gratitude Christmas

Do you want to have a great day?

Going back to Him

How to heal heartache

Kindness all around

Do you know better?

I support me



• Corinne: Very inspiring and beautifully written
• Nathan Rivera: You seemed to be a loving prophet with endearing words of “what should be” in the reality...
• AJ Ivey: I have been in many relationships and this is the first time I fell in love. I never saw myself without her....
• Mimi: This is so awesome, Jaime! Hold on to God’s unchanging hand and to not release his faith. The favor of...
• marilee: Hi, I stumbled across your blog a while back and really enjoyed reading it. I don’t know you, but I...
• BIELA: congratulations jayme! i’m glad that you realised how sufficient (and more) God’s grace is. now,...
• rach: hey nice layout! that’s nice that you have gone back to him… siya lang talaga ang makakapag-alis...
• iris: glad you found Him. thing is, He never lost us. makulit lang talaga tayo. but then again, that’s what...



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