I woke up early this morning with a big question in my head: Which one do I choose?

In my last post, I talked about following my bliss and taking the next step — that is starting my own business and I had two choices in front of me: one was a business that I already started to build months ago and one that I needed to start from scratch.

The first one was something I did because I thought it was a good idea, not a great idea, but good enough to bring in the cash. If you asked me, I wasn’t totally psyched about it but I thought I didn’t need to be. I was, after all, starting a business not playing. I don’t need to be too passionate about it, I just need to be determined and focused. Or so I thought.

Reading back over that statement, it sounds really ridiculous now. And I realize, that maybe, the reason I never pushed through with it was precisely because of that: I wasn’t passionate about it. It didn’t call out to me. It didn’t feel like creative work. And it wasn’t fun!

But who said business doesn’t have to be fun?

I come back to what I learned from “Ask and It is Given”, the most important thing is for you to feel good. Do what makes you happy and everything else will follow.

So what’s holding me back? I’m scared because I’ve never done anything like it. I’m scared because I’m not sure what to do next.

But just the idea of doing it makes me giddy with excitement. It makes my heart sing. My mind is brimming with ideas. I can just imagine pouring my heart into it every day.  I just know it.

Awhile ago, I was looking for my journal, hoping to sort my thoughts and gain some clarity, when I realized I left it in hubby’s car. I felt moved to reach out for my old journal and flip through the pages.

And right there, in my own writing, the Universe answered my questions and allayed my fears:

“I have everything I need inside me to succeed. I only need to allow it into my life…”

“I don’t need to “act as if” because “I ALREADY AM.”

“Follow your bliss, express your passion, create your life deliberately. Be loving. Be generous.”

“Focus your energies on worthwhile things.”

“Act on something, not because you need the money, but because it feels good to do it.”

“Act based on inspiration, passion and true heart-felt desire.”

It all sounds amazing but then again, I’ve proven, that once you ask, it is given.

My answer is right here.

Now I know what to do.

The good thing about taking a break is you get to stop working and start reflecting on what’s going on in your life. And when you come to a realization of where you are now and where you want to be next, you can start focusing on getting there.

The last Holy Week break gave me a chance to spend leisure time with my family and to spend some time by myself.

I realized how we’ve been so blessed for the past months and the blessings just keep on coming. Everyday Kernan and I have something to be thankful for.

Looking back over the past months, the path to achieving my goal has been an interesting and empowering journey. And the best thing about accomplishing one goal is the opportunity to set a new one. It’s time to dream again.

I owe it in part to a friend who is taking a huge leap of faith in her life. Finally, after experiencing corporate captivity, she is now setting herself free. She was telling me how she’s feeling more determined to dream bigger. She finally feels she deserves the better things life has to offer.

The timing of our meetings couldn’t have been better. It was just the time when I’m becoming engrossed in my current work again, becoming so embedded that I started losing sight of my big picture.

Our conversations reminded me of my own path and prompted me to ask myself: “What’s next?”

I’m 29. Next year, I turn 30. I want to be able to say by then that I’m living my passions and fulfilling my dreams.

Whenever I journal about what I really want to do, the answers have always been the same:

I want to make my own inspirational show.

I want to have a coaching and workshop business that inspires and empowers people to achieve their dreams.

I want to be a thriving blogger.

I want to be a creative online entrepreneur with multiple streams of income.

Simply put, I want to do the things I love to do, be my own boss and thrive abundantly.

And no one can make those dreams happen but me.

I have an idea of how I’m going begin, I’m sure that once I take the first step, the Universe will show me the rest of the way.

I believe that everything I have done and gone through so far have helped me to get where I am now.

Now, It’s time to take the next step.

Time to follow my bliss.

I was supposed to write a really long entry about something that dampened my spirits last night. But halfway through my entry, I just stopped because the words stopped coming.

The only question that remained was: WHY DWELL?

And I had to remind myself the first thing that came to my mind when my ego retaliated to criticism:

YOU ARE NOT YOUR WORK. YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

And the next thought that came to mind was: WHAT IS GOING RIGHT IN YOUR WORK RIGHT NOW?

I am grateful that I have a very humble, strong, supportive and proactive boss.

I am grateful that my husband is a production rockstar and he can make magic with whatever I give him.

I am grateful that I have an efficient team of people working with me.

I am grateful that we have an opportunity to keep learning, keep growing, keep improving every week.

I am grateful that we have more than enough time to meet our deadline and still make our episode rock.

I am grateful that I have a job that challenges me in ways I have never experienced, teaches me to be humble and helps me to grow.

I am grateful for my soul friends, A and Carli who dropped by just when I needed them most and patiently listened as I processed my thoughts.

I remind myself once again that I will only accept things that serve me. And right now, it serves me to be proactive, to focus on the task at hand and to give it my best shot.

I am smart. I am strong. I am rising to the challenge.

Right now, I’m sleeping with a peaceful mind and a grateful heart.

Tomorrow, I am waking up to an awesome day.

I asked myself this question as I sat in the cold taxi cab on my way home. I had just come from a meeting with my boss and my colleague, tired from a taping day, my feet painful from hours of wearing high heels.

We were brainstorming our topic for our next episode when the conversation drifted to the rich and the poor. They told me that the rich, with all their wealth and resources, should help the poor.

I disagreed saying that it’s the government’s job to uplift it’s poor citizens. It is not the rich people’s responsibility to help them. I thought that the adage, “The rich get richer, the poor get poorer” is only true for those who believe it.

“Have you been to the slums lately?” my boss asked. And I said no. I don’t go to the slums. I avoid slums.

Suddenly, memories of my past coverages flashed before me.

The crowded, noisy and garbage strewn eskinita, where you can’t tell where one house ends and the other one begins.

We were looking for a teenage father as a case study for a story. A thirteen year old kid who impregnated his playmate. He ended up working as a pedicab driver while his young wife fed their baby am (rice water).

Then there was the woman living in a dark cramped room, suffering from a disease that now escapes me. She was our case study for a medical intervention story. I’m not sure if she ever recovered fully. After our shoot, we didn’t contact her again.

Case studies. That’s all they were. And I cringe when I realize how exploitative that sounds. How uncaring I have been.

When did I stop caring?

It always goes back to that single point in my life. The moment when I thought I was doing something worthwhile, pursuing my real purpose as a young journalist.

Despite the risks, I believed I was doing the right thing. Only to see justice die before my eyes. A horrifying death that killed whatever idealism I had inside me.

I tried bringing it back, lighting the fire again. But the depression and the stress of trying to save the world was too much. I gave up.

I moved on. For myself.

I thought maybe I could fulfill my purpose in another way.

And then, my life took a surprise turn. I became a mom, I became a wife. Suddenly, I had my own little world to care for. How can I care for anybody else?

“The people in the slums, they know better. But they can’t do anything about it,” my boss said.

I’ve always believed that people should be able to help themselves. After all, haven’t we heard those success stories of people who rise from the slums.

But when I remembered all those case studies, all those people who can’t get out of the cycle of poverty, it hit me: They DO need help.

You can’t save them. But you can help them believe that they can live a better life, they deserve a better life. They have it in them, they just don’t know it yet. You can help them, help themselves.

Compassion

“We’re all in this together,” my boss said.

I pondered her words as I arrived home and threw my heels on the floor. I went up to our room and hugged my girls.

My girls who can eat what they like more than three times a day, who have more clothes than they can possibly wear, more toys than they can play with. My girls who can freely move around in a spacious, clean,comfortable and safe home. My girls who can study in a progressive school.

And I think of all the children, the same age they are, who lack all these things and so much more. And who’s to say they don’t deserve them?

I am far from being a billionaire (at least not yet), but I am not helpless. I can help and I know better.

I thought of my boss’ summer project, the one where I volunteered to help teach underprivileged kids about self-esteem, setting goals and fulfilling their dreams. And I just realized, the Universe has, once again, given me the chance to do what I love to do. A chance to fulfill my purpose.

I care.

Thank you Mam JJ, for reminding me that I can. And I do.

I was playing with my little girl when I received a text message. We had a work-related problem it seems, with a hint of panic. I paused for a moment to assess how I should react.

It will sort itself out, I thought. And right now, I don’t need to do anything more than expect the best.

A few minutes later, the problem did get all sorted out. It was simply a slight bump in the road, and now we’re back to smoothly cruising down the highway.

All the journaling and reading about deliberate creation is paying off, I think. I just can’t be moved to panic any more. I always manage to keep calm and everything works out just fine.

I shift my attention to what I want, I focus on it and so it happens. It feels so empowering to be in control of any given moment in my life.

No magic there, just common sense. What you expect, you get. Stop observing and start focusing on what you want to happen.

It takes constant practice and present moment awareness, not an easy feat in this fast – paced distracted world. But it can be done, it has to be done if you want to live your life deliberately.

A few hours before the work week begins I set my intention:

I am accomplishing everything I need to do in an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way. I expect everything to run smoothly and everyone to work efficiently. And we’re getting a high rating on our airing day.

Tonight as I go to bed, I will sleep with a peaceful mind and a grateful heart for the day that has just gone and the one that is about to come. I imagine we’re accomplishing awesome things this week.

What do you expect? Expect the best and you’ll get it.

I realized that life is always a journey in progress. Every day you are moving forward to your final destination.

Sometimes it might feel frustrating when you are waiting to get from where you are to where you want to be. But if you look at life as a journey, you’ll know that you’ll eventually get there.

Stop waiting. All you have to do is keep going and keep enjoying every step of the way.

It’s 3 in the morning. I am lying on the bed, my baby girl snuggled next to me, her arm wrapped around my neck. And I’m blogging. Thanks to this lovely Android my loving hubby gave me as an advance birthday gift, I can now blog however, wherever: standing up, lying down, in the bedroom or in the bathroom. Well, almost everywhere.

There have been a number of times that  I’ve found myself wide awake in the wee hours of the morning, wanting to read something or write something. It’s the second day of my most favorite month of the year. Right now, I want to write how grateful I am to be finally free again.

I officially said goodbye to the bundy clock yesterday. I was supposed to write about it yesterday too. In fact, the post is in my drafts entitled First Day. But since I spent the first few hours of my freedom day running a 10k, I was too spent to write anything coherent. So here I am writing Second Day.

I am so grateful not just because I have free time to fulfill my motherly duties, but also because now, I have honored my truth. I’ve always known that I thrive better in wide spaces and free time. But for three years, I ignored that truth, tried to bury it even. It was only a matter of time before I shriveled inside the box I put myself in.

I am so grateful to my compassionate boss who helped me get out of that box and set myself free. I am so grateful to my understanding husband for supporting my decision, unconditionally.

Now I can see a world of possibilities opening up before me. I am loving my work again. I am fired up to work on the things I love to do. I am motivated to do more.

Lesson learned: always be true to yourself. While it’s also true that you can choose to thrive where you are planted, I also believe that you can choose to go where you will grow.

Here’s to passion and freedom.